I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
