I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
