you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
