maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
