dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
