your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
