Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
