My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
