my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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