I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
