And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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