Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
