All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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