you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
