its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
