how do flat chested girls get laid?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
