okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Come share oat with me in your robe
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
