He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
