Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
