talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
