made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
