My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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