i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
