So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
