she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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