I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
