i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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