Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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