you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
