Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
