He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
