i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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