your parents love me but you hate me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
