there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
