ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
