did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just gift wrapped bread.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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