Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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