I think I just saw someone hide a body.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
