hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The feeling are messing with the penis
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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