I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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