Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
