Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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