Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
