you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
