i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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