guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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