and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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