This girl is more easily done than said...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
