Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
