My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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