it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
